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May. 16th, 2005 @ 09:52 pm Just because
Current Mood: irken
My name is Girgy... and I am a little snow pea.. I enjoy long summer days and playing frisbee by the riverside... my best memory is when i got a pet goldfish which i named herman. My worse memory is when i chopped him up into little pieces and fed them to my neighbors dog.. He deserved it at the time..
my favorite color is violet. i like looking at the clouds and finding new friends to play with up there. Sometimes they get mad and they no longer are my friends. i wish for world peace and for everyone to have a pickle name jim. Or carl. either or..
This one time when i was five.. I was sitting on the curb in front of my house.. watching traffic cruise on by.. and then i got an idea.. I went to my sisters room.. and found all her barbies... then went to mine and found even more.. i then proceeded to tear off the heads and limbs of all of them.. painted a few with red and blue paint.. chopped off the hair and maybe the side of the heads.. and began to chuck them off the balcony into the wormlines of cars. . some actually made it into the street... a lot did not... yet ended up scattered over the yard.. two jogging ladies jogged by.. and stopped catching eye of the the massacre of these dolls... one stoops down.. picking up a leg and a cut apart torso... "who could ever do such a thing...?" Tears creeped into the corners of her eyes... and before another word was spoken from her.. i peg her in the head with the remaining barbie slaughter parts..
both spandex wearing chickies began screaming as if life threatening bugs have just invaded... then they take off down the street... it was great. I was grounded for two weeks.
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Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 09:17 am (no subject)
Monday Night Dec 6 2004

I can only remember the end… where the world was ending.. the atmosphere had begun to dissipate into swirling clouds being swept off into space.. revealing the billions of stars for us to gaze at.. the air was becoming thin… people who stayed out too long died from lack of oxygen..
There was no sun.. It was set for the last time as the ozone broke open.
There was a last chance to save the human race… and the only thing anyone seemed to be crazy about was the sales.. money.. huge parties were being thrown.. anything goes.. there will be no repercussion for what would be done that night..
Annie was there.. She was scared hurt.. turning into some crazed psycho. Dad was there.. trying to see his babies one last time.. Crying and fighting within himself..
I remember watching people consumed by their instant death..
A boy being trampled by a bull… and his only salvation was to get into our car.. as he ran toward us we locked the doors and for a second would not let him in.. and then opening the door… as he scrambled in the beast become intense trying to fit its monstrous head into the car.. to reach any of us..
With all this going on.. I felt a sense of doom and acceptance.. the end is inevitable.. Its just a matter of when.. and who will be there to see it..
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Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 09:14 am (no subject)
Current Mood: drip dry
In a slower time.. Behind the dreams so softly.. Waits a beauty.. Ever so full of life… ever so full of hatred… in dark nights wide.. She creeps from window to window.. Looking for her lover.. A dark haired lover… himself wrapped in loving hatred for mankind..

In her adventures… she falls upon many.. Falls in love with many.. But all prove to be but lust.. She cries and screams in unknown fury.. For atlas why does her lover have to be so hidden.. So lost to her.. And she misses him so.. But has yet to set eyes upon him.. Her heart aches as remembering times past spent in shadows of her dreamed lover…
As faith streams away from her.. Her heart grows weary and rots.. For now, any lover will do… and she takes them all in her hand.. And crushes the lust and sorrows out of them.. Shrills of anger and pleasure squeal from her fist.. And she smiles but only for a second..
Before her world is dark and cold once more…
In her fit of seeking… the craving for blood from her unknown lover vibrates within her. The wrath she will bring down upon him for hiding for so long.. And the fits of love they will be enthrall in for all eternity.. Ever so great and ravinisque.

Oh her heart woes… liquid pours like tar from her.. So heavy.. So tainted and creamy… she puts masks on those past co-conspirators.. Making them what they are not.. So tired she is with all the games..

Just a hint.. A hint of a breath of his name is all she desires.. All she wants.. All she needs.. And life will have somewhat of a meaning again… Then she can crush those infatuated souls once more.. With meaning! With pleasure..

I know you’re out there.. We were once together.. In a dream.. Once..
I think I recall.. Oh these games you play with me! I see you watching from afar distance.. Laughing, no deed.. Laughing at the confusion I put myself through.. The unneeded angst for you.. The salty puddles of blood and tears.. All the slaughter within your name.. For your name.. And your name yet unknown.. Oh why is it that you are to make everything right.. Yet so much wrong must pass before doing so.. Why so much sacrifice before our humble eyes can rest upon you… How great are you really… to deserve so much! And- What have you done?.. When have you stepped in, saying what you have created.. To have love so undyingly..

Faith can only last so long.. As with anything.. The matter of energy put within something.. some one.. Some where…

And with all that energy… all the silent words spoken to you without a breath between thoughts.. The emotion from these words of the once more need.. Want.. Oh lover.. How could you do this to her.. Leave this dark creature in the shadows… when all she wanted is light.. A spec of light.. A glimpse of a reason to leave the sheaths of darkness.. To radiate into what she is truly made for.. A resurrected beauty.. One who will rise again.
And I will rise again! With or without you… And I will exist with or without you.. And I will rise and reign once more with or without you.. You.. Who has no name.. No face.. No light other than what I have given YOU.. You will reign and you will fall!
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Feb. 16th, 2005 @ 03:46 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: effortlessly willing to kill
Alright... you really want to know whats going on... here it is

im at work will be til about 6 or 7 tonight...
doing absolutely nothing that will better my person in any way..

im fucked... and i know it.. and im... ok with that..

my living room is currently a half ass red.. only because we ran out of paint.. and its n ot just any red.. its a christmasy red.. a very disturbing shade of the color..
it pisses me off every time i walk into the room..
I rearranged my bedroom.. doesnt look any different.. half of it is still my bed... but the sheets.. have changed the walls blue... (interesting)

I'm at a loss of what the hell is going on... too much time has passed.. and nothing.. NOTHING has been done.. I dont have a cool nickname from a crazy event.. I still have yet to get a colored tattoo in fear that it will clash with what im wearing (if ever i decide to venture out of the norm and get color garments.. that isnt underwear..)

I have neighbors above me who dont know how to be respectful.. but apprently do know how to constantly be yelling at the kids.. run around screaming.. leave the keyboard on the most fucking annoying drum beat ever... ring my doorbell to let them in when they cant find their keys..
and oh yes and doing it all around the hour of midnight..

Flying back to cali... afraid of what may come of it... just thinking about it makes me want to take a shot gun to my stomach.. at least that should dim the feeling of pain and anxiety...
Im Wanting to go back.. to once again wither away there but im not sure why..
maybe because here sucks all ass there is..

STill living with Fred.. My beloved Fred.. For without whom.. I'd still be cali insanely drunk and getting fucked in the ass by Frank.. being miserable.. and pissed and PRODUCTIVE like no other..

but instead.. im in wisconsin...

in the process of falling for one of my best friends.. but cant seem bring myself to do it.
for whatever reason.. and why ever now..
i dont feel like breaking another heart..

I had meaning once.. lost it in one of the moves..

life in a nutshell.. wheres that shot gun...

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Feb. 16th, 2005 @ 03:12 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: surrealisticallyoverpermissive

this is just an update.. for those who are all like... "when are you gonna....."
well i did...

so suck it =)

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Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 06:32 pm A moment by Neil Gaiman in "Brief Lives"
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Dream: "Child?"

Child: "Yuh?"

Dream: "Your mother was wrong, you can indeed become lost, in
dreams, And you may not laywas find yourelf when you
wake up."


Child: "Will you tell me something?"

Dream: "Perhaps"

CHild: "When I dream, sometimes I remeber how to fly. Just lift
one leg, then you lift the other leg, and you're not
standing on anything, and you can fly."

"And then when I wake up I can't remember how to do it

Dream: "So?"

Child: "So what i want to know is, when i'm asleep, do I really
remember how to fly? And forget how when I wake up? Or
am I just dreaming I can fly?"

Dream: "When you dream, sometimes you remember. When you wake
youo you always forget."

Child: "But thats not fair"

Dream: "No."
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Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 06:16 pm "Brief Lives"
Dream: "Child"

Child: "yuh"

Dream: Your mother was wrong, you can indeed become lost, in dreams. And you not may not always find yourself when you wake up."

Child: "will you tell me something"

Dream: "Perhaps"

Child: "When I dream, sometimes I remember how to fly. You just lift one leg, then you lift the other leg, and youre not standing on anthing, and you can fly.."

"and then when i wake up I cant remember how to do it anymore.."

Dream: "So"

Child: "SO what i want to know, when I'm asleep, do I really remember how to fly? And forget how when i wake up? Or am I just dreaming I can fly?"

Dream: "When you dream, sometimes you remember. When you wake, you always forget.."

Child: "But thats not fair"

Dream: "No."
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Aug. 8th, 2004 @ 01:01 pm The Next DAy
Current Mood: Stuporously Delicious
Its about that time... when the hangover really sets in.. you dont really know it at first.. youre still unconscious to the night before.. remembering crazy dreams.. or were they events?..
All i know is my shoes are covered with a thick layer of dirt.. sand..?
a few little rocks and what not in there as well..
i smell like fire.. a clean wood burning fire.. and my throat hurts like a bitch..
i walked through my door about 20 min ago.. to a restless peewee and a mess i have been making for the past month..
where the hell have i been when all this happened?
Enthralled in all that is Maynard..
giving out his frustrations and anger and confusion with the world..
so happily depressing..
and done quite well i might add...
like everything else..
filling you with something..
and yet...
making you obscured and ignorant to some thing else.
ITs getting close to 90 degrees outside.. about 80 inside.. listening to beloved TOOL..
i will get a whole lot of nothing accomplished today.. Im looking forward to it.
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Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 10:48 am What the Hell....
Current Mood: Naked
screen names have been changed to protect the....
eh.. screw it..

sup s p i r i t: a kid or four never stopped elliot
sup s p i r i t: why don't you have a livejournal
NeMoStaRz: a live journal?
sup s p i r i t: yes
sup s p i r i t: everybody else does
sup s p i r i t: you know you want one
NeMoStaRz: oh a kid?
sup s p i r i t: no
sup s p i r i t: a livejournal
NeMoStaRz: a reality tv show?
sup s p i r i t: only if you are often without clothes
NeMoStaRz: yeah its usually called soft porn... theyre n aked all the time.. but n ot really doing anything
sup s p i r i t: soft porn is a lot sexier I think
NeMoStaRz: it is sexier... to an extent... just not productive
NeMoStaRz: wait...
NeMoStaRz: what the hell is a live journal
sup s p i r i t: www.livejournal.com
sup s p i r i t: ITS A BLOG
sup s p i r i t: '
NeMoStaRz: whats a blog
sup s p i r i t: web log
NeMoStaRz: which is
sup s p i r i t: From "Web log." A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger." See also: WWW
sup s p i r i t: YAY!
NeMoStaRz: yorue a geek
sup s p i r i t: at least I can be
NeMoStaRz: yes yes you can
sup s p i r i t: I can cook for you
sup s p i r i t: what is your favorite food
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